We hit the nursery rhymes pretty hard here. It's been seven years of fat hens laying eggs for gentleman and contrary Mary and her garden. We've done Wee Willie Winkie peeping at the locks and the dishes running away with spoons, but these classics are even less relevant than they were when I was a kid. That was back when the Humpty Dance was the hip-hop rhyme du jour.
It's easy to forget that things like buckling shoes aren't just old fashioned lyrics; they are a reminder to get on our knees and thank God for Velcro. But once upon a time shoes needed buckling as sure as handheld game systems need recharging.
Want more proof that these old saws are rusty? When I type "pease" for the ditty "Pease Porridge Hot," spellchecker suggests please, peace, tease, lease, and steel-cut oats.
Where are today's nursery rhymes? Because while "What Makes You Beautiful" seems like it was written by a syrupy-sweet old lady on goose who likes sing-songy platitudes, it was really written by two male, middle-aged Swedish songwriters and an American songwriter, who is also on The X Factor, and sung by boy-men with more hair products than they have body hair.
Imagine if this were the formula for all modern nursery rhymes? Pop music cannot be responsible for teaching our children about reading and writing and 'rithmetic. Look what Alanis Morissette did to irony.
Here's a classic that is nothing more than a nonsense rhyme scheme to today's youth.
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
A 2012 update might read:
Monday's child has an iPad in her face,
Tuesday's child can't tie a shoelace,
Wednesday's child has ADHD,
Thursday's child wants a 3D TV,
Friday's child in a five-point car seat,
Saturday's child eats organic meat,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Has no idea what "sabbath" means because her family's progressive Christian church with the 24-piece spirit-rock ensemble uses hip lingo for Sunday worship like "Praise Hour."
Those who can, poeticise. Those who can't, satirize.
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LOVE this. And cracking up at your description of One Direction's hair. I keep telling my oldest that her boyfriend Harry Styles (Hairy??) looks like he was in a wind tunnel before every pic I see of him.
ReplyDeleteTeri
Snarkfest
Thanks, Teri! I can't wait to see the new hair my daughter's crushes will have in a few years.
DeleteHere's a fun WTF fact: The old rhyme "Ring Around The Rosie" where you join hands and "all fall down" is actually about dying from Black Plague. WEEE!!
ReplyDeleteI know that there are a lot of rhymes and songs with underlying meanings that aren't as child-friendly as they seem.
DeleteI have never been a fan of poetry. I enjoy a good Shel Silverstein limerick on occasion, but all the other stuff just sounds like nonsensical rhyming to me. I saw this on Pinterest and it cracks me up:
ReplyDeleteHaikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator.
Exactly.
Best haiku ever. Sigh, and this is exactly why I love poetry. I really am a poetry fan. But no one ever accused me of making sense, so, that fits.
DeleteThis was smart and fantastic. If you write a book of new-age nursery rhymes, I will buy it. Field of Dreams, baby. Field of Dreams.
ReplyDeleteYou're smart and fantastic for saying so! I will write the book, but I will not autograph a copy for Kevin Costner.
DeleteSO true so true and do you know what else a child cannot do? Make a combination lock work. An essetial skill that no one has taught them and this year, every locker has a combo lock that the kids HAVE to use and there have been tears from all of the because they can't make them work every time. Just some of the time. Because they don't get that precision actually does matter, especially with a combination lock! I'm talking about 11-14 year olds who can't make a lock unlock! So sad!
ReplyDeleteThat's disconcerting. But gives me a few ideas for safekeeping some of my stuff around the house.
Delete"Look what Alanis Morissette did to irony." Pure gold!
ReplyDeleteThank ya!
DeleteYou are so sharp, you make my head bleed. My oldest could've clearly been born on any day of the week when your new poem is applied. I agree with BPM...book please!
ReplyDeleteWow, I've never been accused of causing head wounds. I'm taking that as a major compliment. Thanks, and see a doctor.
DeleteThis cracked me up but it is also so bloody true kids now days many of them have no idea and really they are missing out of some cool things...........I do tell my grandchildren nursery rhymes little Leo loves it when the dish runs away with the spoon to have as he says "ice cream"
ReplyDeleteSo cute! Ice cream is always on the minds of kids.
DeleteThe only one that's really timeless is "Goosey goosey Gander." Always relevant.
ReplyDeleteShe's smart and witty AND she can rhyme. You, my friend, are officially an unstoppable force.
ReplyDeleteAh! The out of date nursery rhymes. My daughter loves them, my son questioned every freakin thing in them so we quit reading them.
ReplyDeleteLove your nursery rhymes. Maybe you could write a whole book of them. I'd buy it! I believe others who have previously commented would as well. You could be rich! RICH! (Of course, rich to me is someone who can buy groceries with abandon.)
That's exactly my dream of rich lady heaven. I'd go wild in the grocery store.
ReplyDeleteSo funny! Alanis can never be taken down enough times to make up for what she did to irony. Newsflash, Alanis, most of that stuff just sucked. Like being born on Wednesday. Apparently that sucks, too.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to take Nursery Rhymes to the same place you took the Character Assassination Carousel? Seems like you already have.
Ellen