Suburban Haiku: Christmas Special, Twelve Days of Haiku #GIVEAWAY

“And a partridge in a pear tree . . .” are words you will not hear ringing out joyously in our house. I imagine my days are numbered (ahem) when it comes to this Christmas classic, but until some well-meaning pre-school teacher or Salvation Army bell ringer teaches my kids to shout “five GOLDEN RIIIIIIIINGS,” I’m keeping mum.

It’s a song that begs for updates and parodies. I’m tempted to warble my own version while checking the many brightly colored papers that have come home from the schools my kids attend. Those blindingly red and green half sheets that teachers send home to remind, cajole, and exhort me to pony up cash, gifts, food, and time I don’t have. It might go a little like this:

• On the first school day of Christmas the teacher did send to me, a plea for mittens for the giving tree.

• On the second school day of Christmas the teacher did send to me, two sign-up sheets, and a plea for mittens for the giving tree.

• On the third school day of Christmas the teacher did send to me, three requests for cookies, two sign-up sheets, and a plea for mittens for the giving tree.

• On the fourth school day of Christmas the teacher did send to me, four class party reminders, three requests for cookies, two sign-up sheets, and a plea for mittens for the giving tree.

• On the fifth school day of Christmas the teacher did send to me, five Hanukkah crafts (because it’s Hanukkah and not all the kids are Christians and the school doesn't want to seem insensitive, but I’m not sure that’s a dreidel, and the menorah has only three arms, but the Jewish kids are used to mildly offensive token crafting), four class party reminders, three requests for cookies, two sign-up sheets, and a plea for mittens for the giving tree.

And now, in the worst segue in the history of segues (rhetorical device, not motorized personal transportation vehicle) it’s your turn . . .

 TO WIN SOMETHING BY WRITING HAIKU PARODY.

You’ll remember that I've promoted my friend and haiku artist, Peyton Price of Suburban Haiku, on this blog once before. Here's another introduction to her with a chance to win a copy of her latest, uber-witty haiku collection, Suburban Haiku: Christmas Special.

She has a knack for making her readers smile without compromising the poetry. She makes the trick of pointing out our shared understanding of this suburban life in a way that makes us laugh and nod in agreement. Take this gem that encapsulates absolutely EVERYTHING that is wrong with mall jewelry stores.  

  

A ponytailed man
in a long black leather trench
makes a stop at Kay.

Here's how you can win an ebook copy (paid for out of my own pocket, thank you very much, because that's how much I like Ms. Price's work). 

• Submit a haiku that parodies some aspect of The Twelve Days of Christmas song. Haiku is a three line poem in which the lines have five, seven, and five syllables each. Like this: 

Visit Peyton's site 

she's all kinds of prolific.

Giggles guaranteed.

• Leave your haiku in the comments of this post. 

• On Friday, December 14, I'll announce the winners, picked by Ms. Price herself. 

• And, because Christmas is a time for sharing, Tweet this: "Can you Christmas haiku? It might win you the @SuburbanHaiku, Christmas Special from @NinjaMomBlog. http://ow.ly/fYIAy #WIN #GIVEAWAY"

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If you haven't had enough parodies of the Twelve Days of Christmas, may I suggest The Twleve Days of Christmas Mom from Motherhood, WTF? 

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Oh, and click the banner below to cast your vote for Ninja Mom Blog. Don't make me spell it out in haiku.