On my Facebook page I stirred up a great discussion about whether or not I should buy a Monster High doll for Bee, my soon-to-be eight-year-old. I've steadfastly banned Bratz "You Can't Spell Slutz Without a 'Z'" dolls. But now Bee has come a-begging for a Monster High doll, and my husband and I must decide if we want to blacklist yet another, albeit more clever, teen-cum-streetwalker fashion doll.
These Monster High and Bratz babes are little more than vacuous, teen stripper characters. Teens who are ready for the boudoir and marketed directly to my eight-year-old. Teens with collagen injected lips, more-is-more eye make-up, and in some cases, pre-shod, twist-off feet. Well, at least Bratz owners don't need to keep track of pint-sized plastic pump pairs; they only need an evidence baggie handy for the severed feet.
Where have all the Skippers gone?
Skipper: Hi everybody! It's meeee, Skipper.
Everybody: ---
Skipper: Oh, silly gusses. You know me. Stop playing around.
Everybody: Wait, we've got it. Gilligan's Island, right?
Skipper: Gilligan's?! What? No, Skipper. From Mattel?
Everybody: You mean that busty blond babe with the tiptoe deformity?
Skipper: Well, no, that's my big sis, Barbie. I'm her teen sister, Skipper. You remember me.
Everybody: Oh, right, Scamper. We think we remember tying you to a bottle rocket in 1988.
Skipper: It's "Skip-ER."
Everybody: Right! Shrimper. Sorry about that, Scurvy.
Skipper: You're not even trying.I miss that spunky gal. Sure, I never played with her and I don't actually know anyone who did play with Skipper, which may explain why she's not widely available for purchase. But if Mattel took a page out of it's own Monster High playbook, we could have a more-appropriately-proportioned vampire doll for our girls to make believe with. Where's Zombie Skipper? One with skirts that are at least as long as two inches above the exposed kneecap. One whose breasts don't get in the way of her attempts to eat brains.
In terms of cool factor, I really get the appeal of the Monster High dolls. They are the amalgamation of two fantasies: the woman young girls wonder if they will become, one with hard-as-granite, perky breasts that fill out a miniature sequin tube top so well, and the mythology of werewolves and vampires with super fly accessories to match. I get it. I'm even attracted to it. I daresay I like it. I just wish it came without all the hyper-sexualization.
For the record, I still haven't decided if we will get Bee a Monster High doll. Because OMG the clothes are so SQUEE! But if we do, rest assured we will make her feel terrible about playing with that doll as often as we can. That's good parenting. Crumbling under the combined pressure of your child's nagging requests despite society's treatment of young girls as future sex industry employees while making your child feel guilty about the whole thing.
*UPDATE: We're getting her a Monster High doll. May the judgement of the internet masses be kind.
Earlier this week . . .
- I look New Year's resolutions right in the eye and shove cookies in my bra while doing it. See below.
Elsewhere on the internet . . .
- I was on Scary Mommy with this groundbreaking revelation: Babies Are EVIL.
- I found this even funnier list on Scary Mommy and I'm trying very hard not to be jealous of Katia at I Am the Milk, who wrote it.
- I also like this blogger I've recently discovered, Annie from Just a Little Tart.
- Me on NickMom, Click the link or the picture for the whole image.
Just when I thought I couldn't be entertained watching someone else fill their cookie hole, there is no way to watch that and not laugh.
ReplyDeleteAny tips on how to remove chocolate stains from bras?
Thanks! Oh, I have tips.
DeleteFirst, don't remove them. You'll always smell delicious.
Second, add more cookies and it's not longer chocolate stains, it's chocolate dye.
I have chocolate stains on the ceiling of my less-than-one-year-old car. Don't ask.
DeleteWell, can't help it. Here's me asking. What happened?!
DeleteI had a Skipper doll way back when (I was like 6, it was the Malibu series). Then I got one as a teenager and was shocked that the newer Skipper had boobs. Small ones, but still boobs. The older one was flat chested. Even Skipper changed.
ReplyDeleteI actually read up on the Skipper history on Wikipedia when I was researching this post. Don't be shocked, I do actually do research. It was too much to include here, but fascinating none the less.
DeleteSkipper was Mattel's response to parents' complaints about the inappropriately sexy Barbie. She started out, as you remember, will small or, really, no breasts. As times changed, the company responded by giving her larger, but still small breasts, in addition to making her taller. Eventually, she also got a face update and more breast and height enhancement, making her much, much more like her big sister.
This doesn't bother me terribly because teens have breasts and are close to adult height. So long as they retain their ribs and aren't posed in their packaging in ways that say, "Looking for a good time, sailor?" I'm cool.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skipper_(Barbie)
Up until now, I kinda always thought those Monster High dolls were the same characters from Bratz after the monsters attacked & turned them to be their eternal jailbait slaves.
ReplyDeleteOr something...
No kids yet means I get to remain blissfully ignorant about the latest toy fads.
PS: Video = hilarious!
I love it. "Jailbait slaves."
DeleteEnjoy your ignorance while it lasts!
Thanks for the video love.
You can still buy Skipper-I've seen her in sets at Target! She has a colored streak in her hair, which is interesting.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember the Growing Up Skipper-she grew boobs! I have the flat chested skipper with the giant eyes and I have the somewhat well developed Skipper as well. I always thought that was a weird name. It's a dog's name.
I DID have the Growing Up Skipper, when you moved her arm forward her boobs grew, move the arm back, the boobs shrunk!!! I am so glad you mentioned that because I had begun to think I had imagined that!
DeleteI was on Mattel's website, further research, which I'd better stop advertising or you'll all think I'm some kind of journalist *GASP*.
DeleteSo, currently, there's a brown-haired Skipper for sale in the Mattel online shop.
According to the wiki entry on her, they haven't made a new one since 2011, but I don't know if the wiki entry needs updating.
Anyhoo, she's still floating around in sets and stuff, but not with any recognizable marketing campaign of her own.
And Teri? You are not imagining it. There was a "Look Who's got Boobies" Skipper. (My title, not Mattel's.)
LOL. I recently wrote a blog post very similar. BRATZ are SLUTS.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am not watching that video it scares me, a bit.
Give me the link! I'll check it out.
DeleteI have big, permanent issues with the Bratz dolls. Ditto the Winx Club show and dolls.
The video, however, is totally safe. I promise! It's me being a buffoon.
All of the dolls scare the shit out of me. For now we're subsisting on Disney Princess dolls (I KNOW, whole other set of problems there), and a Journey Girl from Toys R Us, which is like American Girl but not fucktardedly priced. I'm going to try to stay firm on any doll that appears to be collagen-injected, but I never know what I'm going to do when the moment is actually staring me in the face. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteWe have tons of the Princess dolls and dress-up stuff. I think Disney Princesses are less sinister than the rest. I know there's an emphasis on a strange, handsome fellow coming to save the day and take our princesses from oppression to marriage. But the girls have spunk and a backstory.
DeleteIf you ask me, none are as heroic as Cinderella. She FIGHTS for her chance to get the hell out of that house.
There still is a Skipper! And two other littler sisters. My daughter loves them. She actually plays with them more than Barbies. She's still more into the Disney Princesses. Don't even get me STARTED on the message those send. But hey, at least they're not whores and they wear buttoned-up clothing. They may be all about getting married, but you better believe those princesses keep their legs closed before "I do."
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister. Those princesses might be prince crazy, but they seem pretty damn chaste about it.
DeleteSkipper. BORING. I never played with mine either. She existed to NOT fill out Barbie's hand-me-down tube tops and to pick up all the discarded nurse, astronaut and apache helicopter pilot outfits Barbs had strewn all over the Dream house.
ReplyDeleteWe were just in Target buying a bday present for a 6 year old girl and I had perhaps my first ever relief that I had boys while I was walking up and down the aisles looking at all the tartlet dolls. Good luck with that.
No doubt. There's plenty of violence on the boy side, but most of the creatures aren't looking to get laid.
DeleteSkipper? How much fun is a doll that won't give you a complex about your body's imperfections before exiting elementary school?
ReplyDeleteWord. If it can't make you feel inferior, what's the point?
Delete"tiptoe deformity" = hilarious...forklift foot?
ReplyDeleteFort elevator, but it never goes to the bottom floor.
DeleteI must say, I find the permanent high-heeled foot really annoying. Especially on the teen dolls. Who spends four years in heels?
Jeez, back when I was that age my teen heroes were Trixie Belden and Nancy Drew ... although perhaps that says more about me than it does about society in general.
ReplyDeleteNah, my kids love lots of great characters, Hermione Granger comes to mind, and Luna Lovegood. Plus, they are reading and discovering a host of role models in books that I didn't have growing up.
DeleteAs long as I can keep them reading and happily dorky, I feel like we have a shot!
Seriously, I am so not looking forward to this day. We are still into naked Barbies around here and now you have me happy for small favors, lol!!
ReplyDeleteCheers! And sorry. It's okay, there will be something even worse when you get to this stage.
DeleteNicole, you've made my day. It means a lot coming from you and thank you so much for the share!
ReplyDeleteGee, that's a hard dilemma you're in with the Monster High Doll. An evidence of just how out of the loop I am when it comes to girl stuff is me having to delete High Monster doll (what a strange name for a toy) and retype Monster High (still strange). But seriously, I am with you on the Bratz. I have no idea what I would do in your place. I'd love to read about your decision :-)
Katia! Great bit on Scary Mommy. Loved it and also, totally peeved that I didn't write it. Someday, dammit, I'm going to write something that goes viral. In the meantime I'll admire your work.
DeleteI decided, after tons of research, talking with friends and hubs, and eating of cookies to help me with the decision, to let her get the damn doll.
Here's what decided it for me. They aren't that anatomically different from Barbie. I REALLY wish they had less plump lips and a bit less of the giant blow-up doll eyes, but the proportions aren't as bizarre as the Bratz.
Also, they have a great backstory. The web site is devoted to their history and likes and has some very clever tie-ins with classic monsters from literature. My daughter loves that stuff, so I'm contented that she's getting something from it that's more stimulating than the titillatingly short skirts.
Finally, I've had a great talk with her about what real girls we know wear and how that's different. We talked about our babysitter and next door neighbor who is now pre-med and smart and sweet and covers her breasts in a public-appropriate layer of cotton blends. We talked about the teens we know at church and what kind of clothes and make-up they wear and what we know about their interests and volunteerism. One is in the middle school jazz band and they recently played for my daughters' classes. A very cool thing.
So, there you have it. I caved. And I'm justifying it.
:-)) I think you did the right thing, for what it's worth. You've used that as a platform to talk about values without depriving her of something she wanted and creating antagonism (I moonlight as a Psychologist). Go Ninja Mom! :-)
DeleteI told my husband that I am, in fact, winning at parenting, per this comment, and I did a modified, victory cabbage patch dance. Thank you.
DeleteWe have tons of Barbies. So many Barbies that I had to use a giant trunk that people once used to cross the Atlantic with all of their possessions in to house them, yet, I refuse to buy any other slutty doll because I have standards. If my girls are going to have a totally unrealistic view of the female anatomy, I'm going old school with no apology. Really, I find all of the dolls of this era frightening, but, I still buy them en masse because I'm just as much a victim of Mattel's "cradle to grave" advertising coup as the next girlwoman of my generation. I recently found a vintage (shudder) Barbie airplane of my childhood at a street fair and I ran over 20 other women with my stroller to buy it. I was practically crying as I brought it home to present to my girls who have since torn the wings off. They have me where they want me. With my wallet out.
ReplyDeleteWait, this post wasn't about me, was it? Or, WAS IT?
In fact? You wrote it. Twilight Zone.
DeleteI was having fun following that Facebook thread. Nice job wrapping it up and (still) making me laugh after having followed the whole thing already.
ReplyDeleteNo judgement here!
Thanks! I appreciate you're non-judgmental laughter.
DeleteThe problem with Skipper was that she was smaller than Barbie, so you needed to get her her own clothes which were not nearly as cool as Barbie's. Sure you could dress her in Barbie clothes, but that conservative 2-inches above the knee Barbie outfit looked like Amish wear on Skipper. Still it was refreshing to have a doll with boobs that didn't look like a Victoria's Secret model.
ReplyDeleteI too would have caved and gotten the Monster High doll. My son is 6. Maybe I'll get one for him and he can blow it up with a bottle rocket.
Yes! Her clothes sucked. I think that there are a ton of super cool teens now. And their fashion is much better than what I wore. Can't Skipper have those clothes and, maybe, an internship?
DeleteOk what is a Monster High doll never heard of such dolls but that is not surprising I no longer have little girls so there are lots of things I have not heard of now...........
ReplyDeleteThey are a thing to behold, Jo-Anne. Google them.
DeleteThe other day, I saw a video about a woman who got tons of plastic surgery to make her look like an anime character. It was really weird to see and really gross.
ReplyDeleteTo me, the thought that a girl would trade in her beautiful, womanly-human physique for that of a cartoon character is absurd, and I really hope that it isn't an indication of the future.
That being said, with good parenting, a child can play with whatever toy he/she wants and be perfectly normal. And you seem like a very good parent for stressing out about this issue :)
Wonderfully well-spoken comment! Thanks for taking the time to leave it. I agree. We need to foster love for the bodies we have.
ReplyDeleteThe most we did with our Skippers were cut all their hair off and pretend they were boys since we were horrendously devoid of Ken dolls.
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